The College Admissions Scoop: Tough Breaks and Silver Linings

By Marilyn G.S. Emerson, M.S.W., CEP

For some high school students and their parents the perceived risk of failing to get into the schools of their choice can be very stressful.  For new or soon to be college graduates, the risk of rejection by a graduate school or a potential employer can be similarly stressful.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  Take a deep breath, and then tell yourself that failing to get into the school you want to attend or landing the job you thought perfect, can become a good thing -  especially when you use “failing” as the spark to ignite your strength and resilience.  "Failure is not the opposite of success, it is the stone to success," Arianna Huffington told the Sarah Lawrence class of ’11 in her graduation speech. And, Conan O’Brien told the Dartmouth Class of “11 that “It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.”

Watch Conan O'Brien's speech here :

Watch Arianna Huffington's speech here:

The College Admissions Scoop: Selective Schools Grasp at Reasons to Deny

By Marilyn G.S. Emerson, M.S.W., CEP

Every morning, I post to College Planning Services, Inc.’s Facebook page links to articles that I feel offer something interesting about higher education and the college and graduate school admission process.  One of today’s links was to the podcast of The Brian Lehrer Show: College Letters.  Today, the day students across the country, and the world, will hear from a small group of highly sort after colleges and universities, Lehrer airs a highly relevant interview with Jacques Steinberg, education writer for the New York Times.   

To my surprise I agree with most everything that Steinberg says.  I agree especially that the admissions process “is not fair.”  Steinberg tells listeners not to put stock into what rejection means because the process can be highly subjective.  As an example, Lehrer plays an excerpt from the recent Tova Smith NPR broadcast Behind the Scenes: How Do You Get Into Amherst. Listeners hear that a student is rejected because the reviewer does not like the first sentence in the student’s essay, which she interpreted as not showing intellectual passion, but rather showing a passion for just music.  This example showcases, according to Steinberg, how admissions officers at the highly selective schools are sometimes “grasping for reasons to say no.”

To all the parents who will be hurting tonight because their children were denied, take a deep breath, swallow your disappointment and move forward. Your child was just one of the unlucky ones. Your child is still the same intelligent, curious and wonderful person he or she was before the denial.  Where a person attends college does not determine success in life.  It is up to your child to determine his or her own success. 

The College Admissions Scoop: Seniors Focus on Your Acceptances

By Marilyn G.S. Emerson, M.S.W., CEP and Jana Jett Loeb

A college admission decision is not a vote on who you are as a person, what you have or have not accomplished, or what you would or would not bring to that school. It is the nature of admissions that when there are more qualified applicants than there are spaces, some very talented individuals will not be accepted. As such, a denial shouldn’t be taken personally or too seriously. It doesn’t change your talent and promise one bit.

If you have made a thoughtful and dynamic list of schools, you will have some excellent choices. April is a month when schools work hard to woo their admitted students, and you should take advantage of opportunities to visit these campuses, meet other admitted students, and speak to current students at these schools. Now the tables are turned, and the decision is up to you. Use this opportunity wisely. You might have to recalibrate some of your initial priorities, but you will have plenty of chances to get to know the schools well and make the right decision for yourself. You have the ability to make your choice the “perfect fit.”

The College Admissions Scoop: Acceptance is Unpredictable

By Marilyn G.S. Emerson, M.S.W., CEP and Jana Jett Loeb

As March gets under way, colleges will come out of hibernation and begin to send out decisions.

If you are admitted, congratulations! You have proved that you have worked incredibly hard, you have shown that you can clearly do the work and that you would be an amazing addition to the school.

If you are not admitted, you have proved that you have worked incredibly hard, you have shown that you can clearly do the work and that you would be an amazing addition to the school.

So wait, why didn’t you get in?

The college admissions process is not random, but it is highly unpredictable. Admissions committees are thoughtful, thorough, and deeply invested in appreciating who you are as an applicant. But from the position of the applicant, it is indeed unpredictable because you can only see what you present to the school. You cannot see the vast pool of applications from which they are choosing, and you cannot know how your unique set of strengths and contributions will fit with their priorities for shaping a class. In 2007, Richard H. Shaw, Dean of Admission and Financial Aid at Stanford University wrote, “ I wish there were a formula to explain who is accepted and who isn't, but the decision-making is as much art as it is science. Each class is a symphony with its own distinct composition and sound; the final roster is an effort to create harmony, and that means that some extraordinary bass players don't get a chair. What's more, even among my staff there are legitimate differences about applicants.”

So, don’t spend time and energy on why you weren’t accepted. Focus instead on all the wonderful choices you have.

The College Admissions Scoop: Deferred - What Does It Mean ?

By Marilyn G.S. Emerson, M.S.W., C.E.P. and Jana Jett Loeb

Note to Parents: If your son or daughter has been deferred from an early program, s/he is probably experiencing a combination of relief and confusion, and you might be too. What does it mean, exactly, and what is the best way to proceed? Hopefully these next two posts will help your child make sense of a deferral decision as well as understand the appropriate next steps.

If you have been deferred from an early program, you are probably feeling a combination of disappointment and confusion. While you would have wished for a definitive acceptance and might find it hard to imagine waiting throughout the next coming months for another decision from the same school, you probably also feel a sense of hope that when your application is reconsidered, you may yet be admitted in April.

An important thing to know is that a deferral is not a disguised “no.” Colleges have every intention of reconsidering your application in the context of the wider applicant pool during regular decision. In fact, they have chosen to hold off on making a final decision until they can see the full context in which your application is situated in their pool. That said, it is also important to be realistic about your chances of admission at this point. While you will certainly receive another review by the committee, your chances of admission are now lower. It is fair to continue to hope for a positive response from the school, and indeed, students can be admitted after being deferred. However, it is also important not to focus primarily on your early school.

The best way to proceed after a deferral is to move forward with the rest of your applications. Be sure to compile all of your materials for the other colleges to which you are applying, and to submit your applications as soon as possible. Doing so will help you to avoid any last-minute problems. It will also help you feel more secure about your college plans while you are in somewhat of a limbo phase with your early choice school.

While a deferral is a disappointing middle ground, be sure to keep things in perspective. You should put your best foot forward, both with the school from which you received your decision and also with your other applications. Most importantly, you must continue to maintain impressive accomplishments as the year continues!

Note: Our next blog will contain information on how to be proactive with your ED school after a deferral.

Rejected - It's Their Loss, Move Forward

By Marilyn G.S. Emerson and Jana Jett Loeb

A Note to Parents: If you son or daughter has been denied from an early program, you likely share in their considerable disappointment. A denial this early can definitely sting, but it is important to put your feelings aside and encourage your child to put their effort into the schools that remain on their list and to keep this decision in perspective.

What follows are some thoughts for students who might trying to make sense of their early denial.

Your ED, REA or EA application has been denied. You are probably—and quite understandably—disappointed. For some of you, “disappointed” might even be putting it lightly. You put in a tremendous amount of work to show your best self to your top choice school and they rejected you. That hurts! But you are not alone.

It is common for students to be denied to early programs. If you have heard that schools only defer or admit students early, then you have been misinformed. It is important to know that these early denials do happen, and that they are not highly unusual. It does not mean you were a terrible applicant or “never had a chance.” It does not mean that you could, should have done things differently. It does not mean that you were not academically competitive with the other applicants. It does not mean you are a failure. It does mean that they probably had more qualified applicants than they had space for.

Schools want to be clear with their applicants, and by giving you an honest decision at this early date, they encourage you to vigorously and enthusiastically pursue the other colleges on your list.

Hopefully, all your other applications are ready. If not, get to work immediately. This will help you to feel more proactive and positive, and will help you to avoid the pitfalls of procrastination.

Don’t let your disappointment get the best of you. Everyone feels the sting of rejection, but what says the most about your character is how you rebound. Get excited about the schools on your list and the many wonderful college options that remain! There are certainly “fat” envelopes in your future.

Teens: Your Behavior Can Deny You the College Acceptance You Hope For

Re "Albertus Magnus expels six students in marijuana brownies incident on school trip,"

Notwithstanding any sympathy we might have for the six expelled students, every student planning on college should pay close attention to the Albertus situation and the fallout. And so should their parents.

Teens need to understand: Your behavior can deny you the college acceptance you hope for and can affect your eligibility for financial aid.

I am a former high school teacher and now a lawyer and an independent admissions counselor. I know kids make mistakes and expulsion is a severe penalty, but the consequences can go beyond this.

Not all colleges ask the question, but 390 colleges that use the Common Application for Undergraduate College Admission seek information on a student's disciplinary and legal history, both on and off campus. Some other colleges ask similar questions.

The 2010-11 Common Application asks two questions under the heading, "Disciplinary History":

• Have you ever been found responsible for a disciplinary violation at any educational institution you have attended from ninth grade (or the international equivalent) forward, whether related to academic misconduct or behavioral misconduct, that resulted in your probation, suspension, removal, dismissal or expulsion from the institution?

• Have you ever been adjudicated guilty or convicted of a misdemeanor, felony or other crime?

The application also states: "If you answered 'yes' to either or both questions , please attach a separate sheet of paper that gives the approximate date of each incident, explains the circumstances and reflects on what you learned from the experiences." The student can write an explanation to ameliorate the event, but this is not a position any applicant wants to be in.

Students could also become ineligible for financial aid if their offenses occur when they are 18 or older. Typically, this would not include high school college applicants, but a drug conviction could require a student to drop out of college for lack of financial aid. The Free Application for Federal Student Aid, known as FAFSA, warns: "It is the law! You might not be able to receive federal student aid if you have been convicted of selling or possessing illegal drugs, if the drug offense for which you were convicted occurred while you were receiving federal student aid (grants, loans, and /or work study)."

High school students often complain that they want to be treated like adults. But they need to understand that being treated like adults can be very tough at times. Learn the rules and stick to them. College acceptance and financial aid could be on the line.

Joseph O'Brien Jr, Esq.

Denied Admission: It's Their Loss!

Colleges and universities have made their decisions. By this evening, most high school seniors will have heard whether their applications were accepted or denied. Some high school seniors will have big smiles; others will experience rejection, maybe for the first time. For those denied, rejection hurts! There is little that parents, friends, guidance counselors and educational consultants can say that will take away the initial sting.

On March 29, Jeff Brenzel, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions at Yale University posted the following: "If you receive some rejections, you will tend to dwell on them. It's only natural -- what we can't have suddenly seems far more valuable of interesting than what we can have. You will be tempted to revisit every step of your high school career and your application process, pondering what you might have done differently. But there is one and only one good answer to any rejection letter you receive, dream school or not 'Your loss, baby.' Then move on."

Dean Brenzel's advice is sound. Don't let someone, or a committee of someones, color the way you think about yourself. You can, and you should, hold your head high because you put yourself on the line by applying to schools that are at best unpredictable.

College should be less about where you go and, ultimately is more about what you do with the four years you spend there. Do well, and the world can be yours!

Marilyn G. S. Emerson, M.S.W., CEP